the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
