its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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