We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
