I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
