Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
