i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
