I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
