***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize
