so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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