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Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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