how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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