Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
