i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
