I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
