drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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