i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
