Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
