My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
