dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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