I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
