I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
