I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
