I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
