any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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