We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
