they need to just BURY HIM!
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
