ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
