I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
