dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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