watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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