All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
