Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
