Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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