I can text with my tongue
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
