I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
