when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
