i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
