I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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