just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I can't turn off my feet"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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