God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
