Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
