Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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