you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
