If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
