I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
