I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
