but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
that is very illegal...i love you.
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