omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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