So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and she was petting her beer can
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
