I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
