so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
