He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
